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Write a short moment in time for each character based on their horoscope, as provided by The Onion.



Note: For characters I didn't have one picked out for previously, I rolled dice. Because I'm too lazy to just pick.

Aries: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Delia wondered what she was doing, sometimes. In a general, rather than a specific sense; at the moment, she was specifically waiting for the kettle to boil.

She had felt ill all morning, which she'd expected, but hadn't looked forward to. She'd been old enough when her mother was pregnant with Jon to pick up at least a general outline of what to expect. With a pang, she missed her mother. Her parents should have seen their first grandchild. Kestral should see his niece or nephew. She had no idea how to find him, or get word to him. Perhaps she could buy a sending? See the man who ran Sin? She should try.

But, selfishly, a small part of her wanted him nowhere near her child. After what he'd done, even if he'd done it for her... after what it had already cost both of them...

So she was hiding. Not as fully, yet, as she'd like. But hiding all the same. She cared for Atholas, and suspected she was coming to love him, though the pregnancy had forced things to move faster than they would have.

But Delia had to wonder how long her policy of keeping her head down and out of everyone's way would work. Part of her suspected the answer.

Not long.


Taurus: When life gives you lemons, why not blame them on your troubled upbringing and consequent inability to show affection? It sure beats making lemonade.

"Do you ever smile?" Annie asked him.

Bran looked back at his companion. "Of course I do. When there is something to smile about, I smile."

The slight woman rolled her eyes at him. "Right. And sometimes water runs uphill and it's dark in the daytime."

"Eclipses," he pointed out. "Watch the step there."

She hopped down, lightly. There was a quiet squelch as she landed. "All I'm saying is that just because we're hunting dangerous creatures at great risk of life and limb, that's no reason you can't get some joy out of life."

He grunted, in reply, looking around the dim room. Something had been living here, certainly, but it was no full-fledged vampire. A ghoul, maybe, of some kind. Muttering something in Welsh under his breath, he pulled out his crossbow.

Annie frowned, chanted a spell, and a very soft blue glow lit the area. As she looked around, she said, "Besides. A positive attitude helps you live longer. There've been stu- "

She was cut off by a screech and a ghoul flying at her head from its hiding place in the closet. She ducked, and Bran shot it with a handful of crossbow bolts. The bolts, hollow, were filled with holy water and the creature screamed as it fell. Writhing, it screamed again until Bran put another bolt between its eyes.

Annie got up, checked herself for injuries and dusted herself off. "...thanks."

He nodded, slightly, then said, "Let's keep moving."


Gemini: A hand crank, two steel hooks attached at opposite ends of the oral cavity, and sheer mechanical force will soon leave you with a giant smile on your face.

"Well, it's certainly... intriguing."

"There's no need to be diplomatic, Nicolas. It was a torture chamber." Stella was surveying the walls. "Which is not ideal, really, for a variety of reasons. But one makes do."

Nicolas picked up a pair of hooks attached to a chain, examining them critically. "I suppose. You're certain you couldn't get a proper lab?"

"Not without a proper doctor providing a front for me. And without people poking about to see what I'm doing."

He looked up with a faint smirk. "You're telling me you can rent a torture chamber, and no one will ask questions, but a medical establishment will cost you some scrutiny."

His twin raised her eyebrow. "That is precisely what I'm saying, yes."

Nicolas chuckled, low and genuinely. "Gods bless the discretion of landholders."

"If you're quite done. I could use some help making measurements."


Cancer: While it's been ages since you last cried about having no shoes, you'll still keep running into that creepy man without feet every other week.

Daphne had always felt New York was a large enough city that it was easy to lose yourself. If one wanted to disappear for an afternoon, one could simply pop onto the subway and take whatever line struck one's fancy. Downtown to Times Square and then any direction at all.

Of course, this made it all the more disconcerting when Andy turned up in a place she'd made no prior plans to visit, unrelated to the part of town they'd met and seen one another before.

Yet, there he was, at the little cafe at Broadway and 85th, for no apparent reason, getting sandwiches.

While she hadn't been lying about wanting to see him, he also made her uncomfortable, and the more so because this was not where she'd been expecting him to be. She sank down a little behind her book. He wouldn't expect her to be here either, which meant perhaps he wouldn't notice.

No such luck, however. He glanced her way and all but did a double take. As she approached her table, she punched down her nerves and forced herself to be calm.

She had the sinking suspicion that this was all karmic retribution for an adolescence spent convinced no boy would ever fancy her.


Leo: Fears of being exposed as a fraud will be realized this week when you're revealed to lack the fluid color, strong lines, and playful style of Matisse's trademark works.

Well, Georg thought wryly, I've now stripped for a room full of five year olds. I suppose my life is more complete.

Mai came up and said, "Well. Next time, I trust you won't be late."

He raised his eyebrows. "...next time?"


Virgo: Your imagination is the limit! Try visualizing what your future would look like as head garbage man!.

Shanti considered her position. While it was true that life had not turned out precisely like she'd expected, there was still good to be salvaged from the situation.

Point the first. She was not yet dead.

Point the second. This was more than most of her companions had managed.

Point the third. While Elric had almost certainly sent them out on this particular mission hoping that they would be killed, should she be able to return to him alive with useful information, he might be more inclined to treat her well once again.

Subpoint to point the third. While being in Elric's good graces was not the best of futures, it was preferable to the alternative.

For now, then, she would lie low, attempt to be useful, and wait for a proper moment. Here was hoping her proper moment came at a better time, this turn around.

Being Elric's favorite whore was not the future she would have chosen for herself, but at least it was a future.


Libra: Wild peals of laughter will burst forth this week when you're unexpectedly struck in the nuts by cancer.

Spade leaned back, willing away the headache that was beginning to gather at his temples. It had been a long week resulting in a lot of pounding the pavement, and not much in the way of cash. Still, he had to admit, it made sitting down all the sweeter, when he eventually could.

Miles was out, on the cushy job he'd snagged for himself. The client was probably treating him to dinner and martinis at that very moment. As for Effie, she'd asked to go home early, and he'd let her; she was a good kid, and asked for time off so seldom he almost always said yes. He could make do on his own, for an evening. Besides which, at this point, he was just cooling his heels for a moment before heading home.

He'd almost finished his cigarette when the outer office phone rang. With a small groan that he'd never had allowed himself if anyone else were in the office, he got to his feat and moved out to answer it. He didn't have to answer his phone that often these days, but he was hardly the kind of man who was above it.

"Spade and Archer."

He listened, his yellow-gray eyes flicking over the room, resting on nothing in particular. He nodded, once, as if the other party could hear him. Finally, he said, "I understand. No, I can be out there in two days. Yes, I'll get on a train tonight. Thank you. Goodbye."

After replacing the receiver in its cradle, Spade did nothing for a long moment. And then he began to chuckle, quietly. It figured. First he'd heard from his family in years, and it was because someone needed a ride to the hospital.


Scorpio: Scientists around the world will come to praise you as a true trailblazer in the field of Incorrect Particle Physics.

"Alright, alright, alright." Sophie waved an arm to quiet the group down. "So. Here we go." She was standing on a table, despite the fact she was more than a little drunk. "First, there were humans."

"In the beginning," some asshole intoned in a pious, pseudo-religious tenor. Sophie threw her bottle at him, but not hard enough to do real damage.

"Humans. And they managed to create two things."

"Just two?"

Sophie said, without missing a beat, "Shut up, Anton. They invented space travel, and they invented artificial intelligence."

"Robots and rockets!" This chant was taken up by the group, and persisted for a few minutes before they got bored.

"You mouth breathers want to know what happened next?"

"Everything blew up?" Marc jumped up on the table with her.

"...way to frakkin' ruin the story, cher."


Sagittarius: Most firearm accidents occur in the home. Avoid becoming a statistic by getting shot repeatedly at work.

"Harry!"

Tucking and rolling was a skill Molly had been practicing since she was very small, and it served her well as the barrage of automatic fire ripped through the plaster.

"Get gone, grasshopper!" He raised his shield bracelet, backing up to grab his blasting rod from the table behind him.

She murmured "Conicio," under her breath, and the rod flew into his hand. He glanced at her, and she said, "Look, boss, there aren't a lot of places to go. And it's not like they're aiming by sight."

Harry growled, annoyed that she was right. "Well, stay down, then." He raised his rod and roared "Fuego!" at the wall.

Some days, Molly wondered what the kids who'd gone to college were doing.


Capricorn: The stars were going to predict the beginning of a lifelong romance for you this week, but they couldn't get through it without bursting into laughter.

Becca Clearwater sighed, clicking off her mobile. Almost done, she repeated in her mind, like a mantra. Almost bloody done.

Working on the dam was satisfying, she'd give her superiors that. She could see the people it would help around her when she went to the market, or when she had a day off to wander the area. She was helping, which was something, at least.

Fact was, it didn't matter if she helped or not. Because she was one person, and they ran the worlds.

A bloke at the market flirted with her a bit, and she realized she'd almost forgotten how to flirt back. She'd been jetting from place to place, convincing people to agree or... dealing with their disagreement... for so long that she wasn't quite sure how to cope with someone who wanted no more than a bit of social interaction. He was fit. He'd given her his number.

She wouldn't call it.

It happened, of course; her parents were an example. Retired triplicates meeting someone and settling down.

But the whole idea made her tired.

And frankly, for now, all she wanted was to be done. Even if part of her new it would never quite be over.


Aquarius: They say there's nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound.

"Have you been behaving?"

Bricta solemnly nodded. Dominic wanted to smile, but managed to look critical.

"Minding your mother?"

"Yes sir." The little girl stood as straight as she could.

"Hm." He circled her, and came to stop in front of her. "Well. That's good to hear."

She looked up at him. "Why, Papa?"

Dom reached down and scooped the girl up into his arms. "Because otherwise, I would have had to stick you to the ceiling."

The girl eruppted into giggles. "Papaaa."

"And then," he added, "your hair would always be falling in my face. So really, it's best for everyone."

She buried her face in his shoulder, smothering the giggles there. It was good to be home.


Pisces: Forty thousand years after you were cryogenically frozen, scientists will at last bring you back to life when they discover a cure for goddamn stupidity.

"...how dense can you get?" Sabine shook her head, looking at the files she'd pulled up. "Stupid, stupid..."

She's mostly tuned out the alarms going off in the background. It would take them awhile to get through, and she'd be gone long before then. Quickly, she made a couple copies, storing them with her sprite, and put the folder back together. Some quick code, threaded on the fly, and it would be impossible to tell what was accessed at all, much less by whom.

She was out a second later, running for the physical window as she pulled on her gloves. Spidemanning her way down the side of the building was not an ideal escape, but it was the best you were going to get.

As she carefully worked her way down the brick, trying to go as fast as she could without falling, Sabine reflected on what she'd seen. Sure, the immediate conclusion might be that she'd been duped and almost entrapped. That was the surface conclusion at least.

But upon consideration, there had to be several other nuggets of information to glean.

...but first and foremost, she had gotten sloppy, and it was dumb. Second verse, same as the first.

She was almost at the front gate when she heard sirens. Shit.

Date: 2010-04-22 05:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rainbowjehan.livejournal.com
This entertains me a lot. A lot.

Ohhh, Daphne, you cannot escape your horny Scottish stalker.

Date: 2010-04-22 07:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rainbowjehan.livejournal.com
I GUESS THAT MAKES SENSE.

Date: 2010-04-23 12:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anhalir.livejournal.com
In somewhat of an order:

I am sorry Delia, AU Indis feels your pain.
Shanti... the things a dead person in my head wants to say ~_^
Poor Becca, as much as I hate to say it I hope Dashi's situation makes you feel better about yours [as I die a little inside]
Dom, cute
Sabine you are deeply missed. Now that Hilda is dead, and Piper is MIA Mao has Blake and Toby... need we say more?

Oh George. You and Indis get along so well and clash so frequently because you are so similar. Yay Leos!

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Estelle

January 2012

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