Ficlet: Tired
Aug. 3rd, 2009 09:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dolevalanTitle: Tired
Fandom/original: original
Rating: PG
A/N:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rougen's second prompt, "indescribable."
Arthur Sloane would never have guessed he could be so goddamn tired. There was, he’d discovered, a large gap between assisting someone else in caring for a child and caring for a child of his own. Especially more or less by himself, except for the occasional assistance from Miss Ernstein and the now infrequent assistance from Nephthys.
This was, after all, what he’d asked her for. Why he’d begged her not to kill their child, all those months ago. He watched Daniel sleep, and wondered if he regretted it. All that had happened since, because of that one decision. His almost obsessive need to have some shred of their love to hold on to, after everything else had faded.
He wondered if he should feel anything at all.
Arthur did have bad dreams, on several occasions, from trauma recent and not-so recent. He still dreamed about death, sometimes; he wondered if Meaghan did too, now. Bitterly, a small shred of him wondered whether her preference for Willoughby had taken root, among other things, in the fact he was still so much more alive. So vibrant.
Didn’t take a rocket scientist, of course, to see that wasn’t the only reason. But exhausted and drained as he was, Arthur Sloane still had some remnants of pride.
He held his son, as the baby slept, and wondered what it had all been for. What everyone had sacrificed, suffered to bring about. Whether his son might ever know that there had been a time, in the pregnancy, where his father would have gladly traded both their lives away to save his mother. If he’d ever know he himself nearly killed her; if his half-brother would ever forgive him for it.
Detective as he was, Arthur couldn’t get out of the habit of asking questions. But without more to do than ask, he simply waited, and watched over his child. Emotions could be considered later. For now, he would do as she’d asked and raise their son as best he could.
Fandom/original: original
Rating: PG
A/N:
rougen's second prompt, "indescribable." Arthur Sloane would never have guessed he could be so goddamn tired. There was, he’d discovered, a large gap between assisting someone else in caring for a child and caring for a child of his own. Especially more or less by himself, except for the occasional assistance from Miss Ernstein and the now infrequent assistance from Nephthys.
This was, after all, what he’d asked her for. Why he’d begged her not to kill their child, all those months ago. He watched Daniel sleep, and wondered if he regretted it. All that had happened since, because of that one decision. His almost obsessive need to have some shred of their love to hold on to, after everything else had faded.
He wondered if he should feel anything at all.
Arthur did have bad dreams, on several occasions, from trauma recent and not-so recent. He still dreamed about death, sometimes; he wondered if Meaghan did too, now. Bitterly, a small shred of him wondered whether her preference for Willoughby had taken root, among other things, in the fact he was still so much more alive. So vibrant.
Didn’t take a rocket scientist, of course, to see that wasn’t the only reason. But exhausted and drained as he was, Arthur Sloane still had some remnants of pride.
He held his son, as the baby slept, and wondered what it had all been for. What everyone had sacrificed, suffered to bring about. Whether his son might ever know that there had been a time, in the pregnancy, where his father would have gladly traded both their lives away to save his mother. If he’d ever know he himself nearly killed her; if his half-brother would ever forgive him for it.
Detective as he was, Arthur couldn’t get out of the habit of asking questions. But without more to do than ask, he simply waited, and watched over his child. Emotions could be considered later. For now, he would do as she’d asked and raise their son as best he could.
